Please Don't Stop the Music
by Hobbits-are-Forthewin
Summary: Just another parody by abbylover18 and I. Oh, and due to recent events, if you leave a review that's negative, at least have the BALLS to leave your username as well. Much appreciated. Hope you laugh while reading this, though. Quotes are unmarked. Sorry.
1. Soundless Music

Now we all know that Hobbiton is full of happy little Hobbits who LOVE to sing, dance, and eat. However, one day, EVIL Sauron decides to steal the music from all of Hobbiton!!!! Without the music, Hobbiton becomes a dead, boring wasteland where Hobbits have no choice but to be a dead serious people without the joking! It's up to four of the bravest Hobbits to journey to Sauron's Music-Stealing Lair and save Hobbiton from complete dullness!

*two young Hobbits come scrambling up the pathway towards Bag End*

Pippin: FRODO! FRODO!!!!!

Frodo: *looks out the window of his Hobbit Hole, then looks at Sam*

Sam: *shrugs*

Merry: FRODO! IT'S URGENT! SAURON'S STOLEN ALL THE MUSIC FROM HOBBITON!!!

Frodo: *opens up the door*Merry! Pippin! Calm down, children!

The young couples sat down in Frodo and Sam's home, and talked all about what Pippin and Merry had seen. The Hobbits had known that something Evil was in the air, and they knew that something was going to happen, its just that nobody has suspected that Sauron would ever even THINK of doing a thing like this.

Sam looked around at his best friends.. He had known all of them for as long as he could remember. Yet it wasn't until just a few years ago that he had realized that Frodo was the woman for him. She was beautiful. Her short black hair stood out in Hobbiton, because all of the others have either red, blonde, or somewhere in between. But he liked it.

Frodo knew what they were going to have to do... She just knew that they would have to save Hobbiton... AGAIN.

Frodo: *sigh* You three do realize what we have to do, right?

All three small Hobbits shook their small heads.

Merry: We are going to have to save this Damn place again.

BIG SIGH

Pippin: the only problem hun, is that we have no clue how Sauron took the music, or where he is keeping it...

Sam: I think i know who might have an idea where it is... but the little bugger will be hard to catch... and even harder to control...

Frodo: *Looks at Sam* No. I wont work with that thing.

Sam: But dear, its the only way...

Pippin and Merry: *Questioning look*

Sam and Frodo: *say together without meaning to* Gollum.

Pippin sighed and leaned back in his chair at the idea of having to go to Gollum. He looked over at his beloved Merry and gripped onto the spitfire Hobbit's hand; he could tell she was slightly tense. He and Merry were easily described as the rebels of The Shire, but going straight to Gollum was something even they, as troublemakers, wouldn't think of doing. However, he did have to admit that Sam had a very valid point.

Pippin: Well, I guess you have a point, Sam...though Gollum wouldn't be my first choice of help.

Sam: Wouldn't be mine, either, but he knows Mordor better than we do.

Frodo: Ugh. I HATE Mordor. It took WAY to long to get there.

Merry: At least we won't have those stupid little children of Ring Wraiths to worry about again.

Frodo: They were just ridiculously annoying and DESPERATELY needed a time-out. I'll Gandalf-smack them if they come near me this time.

Sam: But...there's no Ring.

Frodo:....Shut up, Sam.

Sam: BUT WE'RE INSIDE!!!!

Frodo: *Gandalf-smack*That's my point, dear.

Sam: Oh.

Pippin: *laughs at Sam*You just got told!

Sam: Shut up, Pip....

Pippin: *Keeps laughing*

Sam:.....*leaps over table and attacks Pippin*

Merry: Boys!!! Quit it!!!

Merry is ignored

Frodo: Will you two CUT IT OUT?!!!

Sam and Pippin stopped in mid-wrestle, looking up at Frodo in something very close to fear.

Pippin and Sam: Sorry, Frodo.

Frodo: You'd better be, stupid children. Now, Merry, Pippin, you two go home and pack up some necessities while Sam and I do the same. We'll meet tomorrow at dawn.

Pippin: A'ight. See ya, Sam! Bye, Frodo! *hobbit-skips out the door*

Merry: Thanks, Frodo, dear.. You've left me with that silly child all excited.

Frodo: *grins at her friend*No problem ^^

The next day.....

Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry were all happily bouncing along on their way to find Gollum, despite the risky task that was at hand.. Sam and Pippin cracked a couple jokes here and there to keep the girls entertained, and it worked quite well. However, a few rather stupid comments from Pippin caused Frodo a bit of irritation.

Frodo: Pippin, why did we take you again?

Pippin: Because, you love me.

Frodo: No, I'm sure that's not the reason.

Pippin: *glares, but gets over it quickly when Frodo glares back at her best friend's man*Well, anyways, you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission.....quest....thing.

Merry: *looks at him*Well, that rules you out, Pip.

Frodo and Sam: *both crack up for a good ten minutes as Pippin pouts and Merry tries to make him feel better*

Frodo had to admit that she was kinda Scared. She used to have nightmares about Gollum, but this time she was going to take charge... and not back out... or feel sorry for the Damn creature!

Sam: *squeezes Frodo's hand a bit* Almost there Dear.

Pippin: This place kinda gives me the creeps *grabs Merry's hand. Almost as tho he is afraid that she will like disappear or something*

Merry: Pansy ass.... *jumps when a bird makes a funny noise... then cringes as she realizes that it was just killed*

Frodo took in their setting.. They were walking along a path between two rocky walls. They had long since left the Shire. Frodo kind of wishes that they had never left at all... then remembers the looks on the young Hobbits' faces... She SO couldn't deal with that. Frodo continued searching for the entrance to Gollum's wanna-be-Hobbit-hole... Frodo remembered Gollum's story... and cringed. That's when she saw it... the entrance.

Sam: *is the first to point it out.* There.

The 4 Hobbits stood in front of the door (if you can call it that). Frodo figured that she (as always) would have to be the brave one, but she was showed different. Merry walked up to the entrance and knocked on the slap of door (and wasnt really sure that she should even be touching it... cause nobody knew what it was really made of) and soon after they heard a voice call out in reply.

Gollum: Who is it? Who would come to visit little old us? We has no friends... must be a girl scout or something... does Precious want Cookies? *Says in other voice to be known as Precious*

Precious: Yes, we LOVES cookies.... but we cant get too fats... then we will be a fatt little creature, wont we?

Gollum: Yes, and we cant go getting Fatt. *spits then opens to door* Yous are not Cookie bringers! OUT OUT OUT!

Frodo and the others looked Gollum up and down.... she was GROSS! her bones were sticking out around the over-sized piece of clothe... looking a bit like Dobby... her bit of hair were completely straight and precisely placed... as if she had been trying to cover the large area of scalp showing. She smelled very strong. It was like she had been trying to cover something up so she had rolled in a puddle of mud or something... all in all she looked... well Icky

Acting quickly...

Frodo: Yes you are right Gollum, but we can give you cookies if you give us what we want...

Gollum: What does Stupid Hobbitses want with Poor little Gollum?

Merry: We want you to lead us to Mordor, Please?

Gollum: *Laughs... thinking that it is some joke... then* You ares not joking? HAHA Little Hobbitses like you walk into Mordor? Wes thinks not.

Pippin: LOOK YOU NIM-WIT! If you are too scared then don't fucking take us! We can find someone better to take us!

Sam: Yeah... What he said!

Gollum: *Looks all 4 Hobbits up and down... gives another small laugh* Clam You Stupid Fatt Hobbitses... Gollum will take you...

Precious: BUT we want more then Cookies... we want something better then cookies!

Gollum: *GASPS*

Precious: yes *Smiles* Better then Cookies. We wants us a boyfriend!

The Hobbits look at each other...

Frodo: Excuse us Gollum, dear. (Sucking up is ALWAYS the best way to go) we will have to discuss this for a moment.

The Hobbits turn around and circle around.

Frodo: So? What do you think?

Merry: I think she is CRAZY!

Pippin: TOTALLY BALLISTIC!

Frodo: *Gandolf-slaps them both* Shut up! if she hears you insulting her she will go all Moaning Myrtle on us and never even Consider it!

Sam: *Giggles* Haha for once i didn't get a slap and you two did!

Frodo: Do you want one? *Glares*

Sam: No Mam'

Frodo: That's what i thought. now... what do you all think about her Offer?

Merry: well as crazy as it is... i think that we will have to take it...

Sam: Psht.... who wants that...

Frodo: I'm not sure... but we are going to have to work with it... she is the only chance we've got.

Gollum: *calls over to the Hobbits* Has Yous mades a choice?

Precious: Yes... has you? we has got all day...

Frodo and Merry Exchange on last look... then say together: Yes... you have got a deal


	2. Hobbit Enemies

With Gollum now leading the way, the Hobbits were able to relax a bit, though they were starting to receive irritated glances from Gollum whenever they'd show affection to one another even in the slightest ways. It was plain to see in Frodo's eyes that she felt terribly sorry for poor Gollum, being all alone with no friends and whatnot, but as she and Merry discussed, sympathy was no reason to befriend a person. Pippin seemed to offend Gollum in every aspect, and Sam wasn't very far behind.

Pippin: So, then, I said--

Gollum: Shut your fat mouth, stupid Hobbit! We is tired of listening to yous!

Precious: You're only ranting anyway, Hobbit...

Pippin: Well, damn. I'm SO sorry.

Gollum: Yous should be.

Sam: *whispers to Pippin* Are you really sorry?

Pippin: *also whispers* Only a little. But it's better than listening to her whine.

Sam: Good point.

Merry: So, Frodo, aren't you even a little worried that Sauron will try to corrupt you with the Ring again?

Frodo: No. He's just an overgrown little child, anyway. He's not exactly bright enough to manipulate me twice.

Merry: That's a very valid point. I mean....even Pippin's not that stupid.

Pippin: What, Merry?

Merry: Nothing, Pip.

Gollum: Be QUIET, Hobbitses!

Frodo: Be QUIET, Gollumses!

Precious: We doesn't like yous mocking us, do we, Gollum?

Gollum: Noes we doesn't, Precious. Frodo will pay, Precious.

Frodo: Yeah, yeah...*Gandalf-smacks her*

Gollum: Ooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww. She hurtses us, Precious!!!

Merry: That's why you don't mess with her, dear.*skips up to Pippin, then pauses, realizing something*

Pippin: Yes, dear?

Merry: You're taller.

Pippin: Who?

Merry: You!

Pippin: Than who?

Merry: Than me!

Pippin: I've always been taller than you.

Merry: Pippin, everyone knows I'm the tall one. You're the short one.

Pippin: Please, Merry.. You're what, three-foot-six? At the most? I'm pushing three-seven, three-eight.

Merry: Three-foot-eight? You did something.

Sam, feeling a bit left out walked over to stand next to the two arguing Hobbits and looked clear over their heads

Sam: i think im the tallest

Pippin: *punches the younger boy* SHUT UP!

Frodo: *knowing that she is not much shorter the Sam just giggles to herself*

Gollum:*glares ONCE more at the Hobbits's foolishness* would you hobbitses SHUT UP! wes are goings to get caughts! And Precious will be VERY mad if that happens, wont we Precious?

Precious: Yes, Yes we will... So Be QUIETS, stupid Hobbitses!

Merry: But didnt your yelling at us just make more noise?

Gollum: *glares at Merry*

Merry: Okay okay... ill shut up

The 4 Hobbits and the creature walk forward for what feels like MONTHS! The boys have become almost UNBEARABLE!!

Frodo: *Turns on the boys ONCE MORE... this is about the 15th time is 30 minutes* If you two dont FUCKING STOP kicking Rocks at me i am going to take that rock over there *points to a fairly big sized rock* AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!

Both boys hang their heads in shame until...

Pippin: Frodo!! Sam just Poked me!

Sam: DID NOT!!

Pippin: Did SO!

Merry: STOP!

Pippin: b-b-but.... Merry!

Merry: *GLARE*

15 minutes of quiet... then

Sam: FRODO! Pippin Hit Me!!

Pippin: Sam Invaded My Personal Bubble!!!!!

Frodo: *walks up to the boys and Gandolf-slaps them both*

Boys: OOOWWWWWWWWWW

Gollum: Must you Hobbitses be SO STUPID!?!

Precious: This is why we HATES Hobbitses!!!

The next couple days went by much better.... almost no fighting... and the few fights that did happen were quickly stopped

Pippin: I'm hungry

Sam:me too

Gollum: But yous Fatt Hobbitses has eated already.

Pippin: Yes, but that was first breakfast, what about second breakfast?

Merry: I Dont think she knows about second breakfast, Pip.

Pippin: What about Elevensies? Lunchoen? Afternoon Tea, dinner, Supper? Do you think sshe knows about those?

Merry: Dont think so.

Gollum was becoming quite irritated by the Hobbits, and was starting to highly consider leaving them. However, the two female hobbits DID promise her a boyfriend, and she and Precious entertained that idea wildly.

Merry: *whispers to Frodo*How the HELL are we gonna find Ugly a boyfriend?!

Frodo: *whispers back*Easy, Merry. 'Sides, we might be able to drop her off somewhere on our way back after we battle Sauron for the Music of Hobbiton. You never know. Sarumon might be taking applications..

Merry: Yeah, 'cause no one wants HIM, either.

*both female hobbits crack up, leaving the boys confused, and Gollum irritated again....Hobbits were just too happy for her*

Sam looked at Pippin and grinned mischievously, but Pippin shook his head in alarm, not quite wanting to get Gandalf-smacked by Frodo again. Pippin had a hard head, but it wasn't quite hard enough for being hit by Frodo AND Merry all the time. Sam pouted for a moment, but then shrugged off Pippin's rejection.

Sam: Hey, Frodo, I'm TIRED.

Frodo: Sam! We've only been walking for an hour!

Sam: Yeah, but I'm lazy.

Frodo: Sam!!!

Merry: Samwise Gamgee! You suck it up RIGHT NOW or you're getting dropped off to be babysat by Legolas!

Sam: ...But Legolas scares me.

Merry: Exactly, silly Hobbit.

Pippin: Tricks are for Dwarves! ^^

Merry: *Gandalf-smacks him*Stupid!!!

Pip's joke was so lame that even Gollum joined in in criticizing him, and by the end of the morning, Pippin was lagging behind, fully humiliated, and not even Sam was joking around with him right now. Normally Pippin was very funny, and Merry suspected that it was the lack of Music that was starting to bring him down. She tried to talk Pippin up as the afternoon drew on, but he still wasn't feeling all that great by the time they stopped for dinner. Gollum had gone off to find herself some gruesome form of food, while the Hobbits gathered round a campfire.

Merry: I have an idea...

Sam: What? Your mom?

Merry: She's dead. Now hush.

Frodo: What's your idea, dear?

Merry: Maybe Sauron's stolen our music, but that doesn't mean we can't at least TRY to make our own, right?

Pippin: *gloomily* Like what?

Merry: *stomps feet twice, then claps hands once, and repeats this problem*

Frodo and Sam: *pick up on the hint, and begin to copy her, Pippin finally coming in also*

Frodo: Buddy, you're a boy, make a big noise playin' in the street gonna be a big man some day. Ya got mud on your face, ya big disgrace, kickin' your can all over the place, singing,

All Hobbits: We will, we will rock you! We will, we will, rock you!

Sam: Buddy, you're a young man, hard man, shoutin' in the street gonna take on the world some day! You got blood on your face, big disgrace, waving your banner all over the place!

All Hobbits: We will, we will, rock you! We will, we will rock you!

Pippin: Buddy, you're an old man, poor man, pleadin' with your eyes gonna make you some peace some day!

Merry: You got mud on your face, big disgrace, somebody'd better put you back into your place!

All Hobbits: We will, we will, rock you! We will, we will, rock you! We will we, will rock you! We will, we will rock you!

The hobbits then all fell back in laughter, having thoroughly enjoyed themselves. From the shadows, Gollum watched, rage flowing through her body like a fiery surge.


	3. Singoff!

They Hobbits have now been away from Hobbitin for far longer then they were hoping to be. Frodo had been hoping to already be in Mordor by now. But here they were... still walking through the marshes... ick

Pippin: I'm Hungry!

Sam: Me too....

Frodo: *is already in a bad mood and the whinin isnt helping... GLARES* If you dont shut it i will get out the Duct tape again

Sam: *gives a questioning look* again? when was the first time?

Merry: OH SHUT UP!!!

Gollum: You Hobbitses are very annoying... getting on Gollum's nerveses. We just wants to get this done with so that wes can haves our boyfriend!!

Precious: Yes yes yes... a boyfriend. To kiss and hug, and yell at.... and cause Drama with. FUNFUNFUN!!

Sam: I'm tired. Can we sleep yet? we have been walking for hours!

Frodo:*Sigh* fine... i guess it is time to sleep... what do you think Merry?

Merry: Yeah... sleep sounds really nice. Even if it is on this rock shit... ugh... so tired.

Pippin and Sam unroll the bed rolls, and lay them out. Pippin then snuggles down into one and invites Merry to join him. Sam does the same and Frodo joins him.

Once all 4 Hobbits were asleep, which took hours because the boys still didnt really trust Gollum. Gollum got up and walked over to a small puddle of water to talk to Precious.

Gollum: These Darn Hobbitses are so stupids! All they does is conplains. The Fat one and the Short on mostly. We doesnt know how those other twos can handle it.

Precious: they makes us SICK!

Gollum: But i guesses that they loves eachother. I wish we hads someone to loves us. We used to have friends, but then we found the Musics!! and i founds YOU Precious!

Precious: Yes, and now we will leads the Hobbitses to their DEATHS! we will find the musics and then KILLS thems... we remembers what it feels like to kills a Hobbits dont we?

Gollum: Yes, we do.. To feel their little bodies rrrigling around under our hands, to hear them tryings to BREATH!, to see their eyeses close with the shadow of death. Wonderful stuffs!!

Precious is a bit taken a back but the way Gollum remembers death, but trys to forget about it... she is supposed to be the EVIL one.... so she changes the subjects.

Precious: do you remembers the musics?

Gollum:yes... what sweet musics it was too.

at this time Gollum descided to sing... a song... that she loved very much... in all reality it was a very good song... til she started to sing it.

Gollum: what if i wanted to break

Precious: laugh it all off in your face, what would you do?

Gollum: What if i fell to the floor? Couldnt take all this anymore. *Started to sway to the drums and guitar she heard in her mind... well what was left ofher mind*

Precious: What would you do, do, do?

Gollum: DONT BREAK ME DOWN! MARRY ME, MARRY ME! IM NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!

By this time Frodo and Merry had been woken up and were giggling at the fact that she was singing the wrong words... so the girls descided to join in... but not before they awoke the boys and put them to use. Frodo found two good sized rocks and gave them to Sam, who played the drums in Hobbitin... and Merry made Pippin sing tenor part with her.

Gollum and Frodo: What ifi i wanted to fight? Beg for the rest of my LIFE!

Merry and Precious: What would you do, do, do?

Frodo *Now alone becuase Gollum has heard them*: You say you wanted more. What are you waiting for? I not running from you!!

All Hobbits: COME BREAK ME DOWN!! BURY ME, BURY ME! I AM FINISHED WITH YOU!! LOOK AT MY EYES YOUR KILLING ME KILLING ME! ALL I WANTED WAS YOU!!!

Frodo: I tryed to be someone else, but nothing seemed to change. I know now this is who I REALLY AM INSIDE! Finally Found MY SELF fighting for a chance.. I know now THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM.

Merry and Pippin: background OO

All Hobbits: COME BREAK ME DOWN! BURY ME BURY ME! I AM FINISHED WITH YOU, YOU, YOU! look in my eyes! YOUR KILLING ME KILLING ME!! All I wanted was YOU!!!

Merry and Pippin: Harmony part Frodo: Come break me Down. Break me down. BREAK ME DOWN!!

THE HOBBITS BURST INTO CLAPPING!!

Sam: Wow guys! that sounded GREAT!!

Gollum: YOU RUINS IT!! YOU STUPID FAT HOBBITSES.

They next day, Gollum was in a wretched mood, having been defeated the night before in the little group-singing contest. The Hobbits, however, had thoroughly enjoyed themselves, and were now more energetic than they had been for quite a few days. Frodo was happy that they were almost to Mordor, and Pippin, having been refreshed through music, was bantering as usual with Sam. Merry was skipping alongside Gollum, happy to be at least playing the lead.

Merry: *looks at Gollum*Hey, Gollum, can I ask you something?

Gollum: *hisses nastily*

Precious: Why, yes, silly hobbitses, ask us anything you wants to.

Merry: Okay, then...Ummmm....Why do you want a boyfriend so badly? I mean...it's not that big of a deal, is it?

Precious: Stupid hobbit! Of course it is! Wes needs someones to love us, too!!!

Merry: Well, then what kind of person are you looking for?

Precious: *looks back at Pippin and Sam, then back to Merry*

Merry: Oh, no, dear, you don't want someone like THEM. They're just a couple of stupid little children.

Precious: But theys loves you and Frodo.

Merry: You know what it's about, Gollum?

Precious: What?

Merry: Personality. Pip's personality matches mine well enough, just like Sam's matches Frodo's. Find someone who you can love for even the stupid jokes that they tell.

Precious: Pippin tells lots of stupid jokes to yous others Hobbitses.

Merry: And he's the funny one. That's the sad thing.

Later on that night, as it was growing dark, Frodo felt a familiar fear and looked up at the road ahead of them to see that they were only about a mile or so away from the Black Gate of Mordor. She clutched onto Sam's hand fearfully, and he wrapped a relaxing arm about her shoulders. Pippin finally caught up with Merry, who had managed to keep Precious entertained all day by talking about what Precious MIGHT find entertaining in a man..

Pippin: *taps Merry lightly on the shoulder*

Merry: Yes, Pip?

Pippin: You mean you're not scared at all, Merry? I am.

Merry: I am, too, Pip, but we're not there yet, so let's not get too afraid.

All four hobbits looked up at the large Black Gate, then Frodo buried her face into Sam's chest and Pippin took Merry's hand in his to keep his own little hobbit-mate at ease..

Frodo: Here again....Mordor.

The next morning the Black Gates looked even scarier then they had the night before.

Frodo: Ugh... those things freak me out.... *looking the gates up and down*

Gollum: Ok... wes broughts you Hobbitses Here... now we wants our boyfriend!!

Merry: Well we dont have one for you right now! what do you think we can do? We're no wizards!

Sam: But we Know one! His Name is Gandolf!

Pippin: *PUNCHES SAM* ugh why did you tell her that?

Precious: Then bring hims here!

Frodo: we cant. Listen... come with us and we will find you your boyfriend. Deal?

Gollum: we guesses

Frodo: Come on then, lets get this over with.

Frodo (being the loudest... though it was a close call with the boys) walkes up to the gate and yells: WHERE IS SARON AND SARUMON?! I WISH TO SPEAK WITH THEM!.... *quiet... no responce* WHERE ARE THEY!?!? IF YOU DONT OPEN THIS GATE THEM WE WILL JUST CLIMB IT!... *she hoped the fear didnt show in her voice* FINE THEN... HERE WE COME!... WE GUNNA CLIMB THE WALL.. *takes about 10 steps, then looks around... then takes about 15 more steps*

Then... The gates opened. The boys just about Wet their pants... until they saw what was inside.

.......

Frodo and Merry couldnt help but laugh. The Orcs where dressed in real colthing.... not the scraps of metal they normally had on... and they... well they were singing.

Orcs: Say your sorry that face of an angle comes out when you need it to. As I pace back and forth all this time 'cause I honestly believed in you. Holding On, The Days Drag On. Stupid Girls I should've known, I should've known. That I'm not a Princess. This ain't a farytale. I'm not the One you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell. This ain't Hollywood. This is a small town. I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now its too late for you and your white horse, to come around.

Pippin and Sam were also laughing so hard that they were rolling on the ground.

Frodo: *between giggles* I think the evil is gone... haha.... they are singin Taylor Swift... HAHA

The Orcs are finally done with their song and have come to a hault right in front of the Hobbits and Gollum.

The Leader... it was obvious because he had been the only one that was singing well: What does a bunch of Hobbits want with the Lord? He is very busy...

Frodo: I wish to speak with him.... but our buisness is our own.

Leader: Geesh no need to get snappy with me... crazy fucking Hobbit. Follow me...

The Hobbits follow the Orcs... for some CRAZY reason... and find something very surprising.... Mordor is no longer a crazy waste land... it looks like the Shire.

Merry: Talk about a make over.

Pippin: Totally

Sam: WHAT THE HELL!! Look! That's my house!!

Sure enough... just a few feet from them was what looked like Sam's house, but as if the Orcs wanted to show him that he was wrong a family walked to the front window and were looking at the Hobbits.

Frodo: This is WEIRD... Oh my GANDOLF! LOOK! *She pointed to where Bagg end would have been in this Shire wanna-be... and there it was.... Isengard* No way

The Orcs could be seen gawking at the Hobbits as if they were the ugly creatures... through their windows.

Leader; Here we are.*He stopped right in front of Isengard and walked away after telling them to stay put... as if they would stray... NOT* Im sorry but the Lord says that the only way to see him is to agree to a sing off...

The Hobbits exchanged looks... the Merry nodded

Frodo: Deal *Put her hand out... nervously, waiting for the sealing shake... when it came it feel as if the Orc was going to rip her arm off... not that it would have been hard for him to do... *

Leader: Sauron will see you now.


	4. Way to Bring Us Home

Pippin looked at Merry anxiously as they strode through the massive, elaborate hallway that was the entrance to Sauron's palace.

Merry: What's wrong, dear?

Pippin: Merry, how the hell are we going to win a sing off?

Merry: *laughs*Pip, we're HOBBITS. Singing and dancing is like a second nature to us.

Pippin: But....I really don't know too many more songs than the drinking songs you and I learned from all our time in the Green Dragon.

Sam: *laughs*Which is most days, it seems.

Frodo: You drink and smoke too much, Pip (this is actually said by Merry, but it fit for Frodo to say it)

Sam and Frodo laughed together as Pippin pouted. Merry scratched him behind the ear, but he ignored her. Even Gollum gave an ugly little laugh at Pippin's reaction. Merry, for a brief second, felt extremely sorry that no one was nice to Gollum, but shook it off as the leader Orc stopped in front of a large, oak door.

Pippin: Holy Shire, that's a big door.

Leader: Yeah, I know. Master Sauron has quite the elaborate taste.

Pippin: Apparently. Hey, remember that time when--

Leader: *ignores Pippin's new sentence and leads them through the door into a large, wide room*

Sauron: *prances into the room excitedly*Oh, GOODIE! The guests are here!!!

Frodo: What...the...FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?!!!!

Sauron: *giggles*Oh, it's this FABULOUS Hobbit Music! It just makes me SO giddy!

Sam: Dude, you're like, WAY too happy to even be a Hobbit! And we're DAMN happy people!

Sauron: Don't be silly, dear Samwise! I'm PERFECTLY happy!

Sam: I begged to differ.

Pippin: *has contained his laughter until just now, and is now rolling on the floor, laughing his Hobbitish ass off*

Merry: Pippin!

Sauron: See?! This little fellow's also been effected by it! *laughs along with Pippin, not realizing he's the center of Pippin's humor*

Merry: Pip! Knock it off! *Gandalf-smacks him*

Pippin: Oooooowwwwwwwww. Mean lady! *pouts*

Frodo: So, *ahem* Sauron, what's with this whole sing off?

Sauron: Oh, dear Frodo, I mean no harm by it. I just wanted someone to have fun with! And since there's four of you, why not? ^_^

Sam: Because...we're Hobbits?

Sauron: And?

Frodo: *elbows Sam in the chest before he can say something rude* So there is no real competition to it?

Sauron: I get to keep The Music if you guys lose. *hand-flicks* That's really all there is to it.

Sam: Kickass!

Gollum: Wes wants to sing first, Precious!

Sauron: Oh dear. Who let that in? Well.....okay, fiiine. But go.

Gollum: *sings in a horribly high soprano voice for about 1 minute before the Orcs get annoyed and toss her out of the room*

Frodo: Well, that was quick.

Sauron: And ear-splitting. Okay...um, the littler ones with the ADORABLE senses of humor. Why don't you go?

Pippin: *looks at Merry*Ready?

Merry: Especially if you are, Pip ^^

Merry and Pippin then engaged in their tavern-like antics. Singing a raucous drinking song and dancing along with Hobbitish charm that even Sauron chuckled at. When they were finished they each took a bow, and Sauron clapped delightedly. Sauron then pointed to Frodo and Sam, who gave a STELLAR performance of "Into the West". Sauron was now frowning, and clearly frustrated, but went ahead with his cover of "Single Ladies", to which Sam and Pip couldn't help but dance to, which only frustrated the Rainbow Lord even more.

Sauron: Stupid fat Hobbits, you ruin it!

Gollum: *from behind door*Yes! They does, Precious!

Sauron:....Ew.

Crowd of Orcs: *walk up to Sauron and whisper in his ear*

Sauron: No! That's horrible!

Pippin: What?

Sauron: Even my own guards voted for you four cuties to win!

Frodo: Yes!!! We won The Music back for Hobbiton, guys!!!

Sam, Pippin, and Merry: *cheer with delight*

The 4 Hobbits had never been happier. Not only did they just see Sauron as a total Gay... but they also had BEAT him!!

Frodo: *skipping and humming* That was SO much fun *her serious attitude completely gone*

Gollum: Dont you Hobbitses forgets about our Deal!

Precious: yes our DEAL!

Sam: Do you REALLY think that there is a male in the UNIVERSE that could even like that *looking her up and down*

Frodo punched him... hard... in the stomach: SAMWISE! You say sorry! RIGHT NOW... I mean it! *her serious attitude back and in business*

Sam: *mumbles* sorry

Precious: What was thats? we didnt hear the Fat Hobbit! What did you say?

Pippin: *trying to be funny* THEY'RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD-GARD-GARD-GARD...

This time it was Merry's turn to slap... cause she is nicer... so she didnt punch. Then gives Sam "the look".

Sam: *huff* I said, Gollum Precious what ever the hell you are, I said that I was sorry for saying that no male would ever like you... *mumbles* even if it is true *sees the looks he is getting* Kidding! I was Kidding!

Frodo:*Turns to Gollum* What are you looking for in a man?

Gollum: Well he has to be smarts, and attractives, and powerful, and he has to play musics... precious musics... *sighs*

Merry: *coughcough* Well.. um... we will have to think about who fits those details... will you excise us for a moment? *grabs both boys*

Frodo: What are we going to do? Where are we going to get a guy like that... now?

Pippin: Guess we wont... we could just kill the fucking thing!

Sam: *nodds in agrement*

Both Girls give a look of disapprovement

Frodo: We gave our word...

Merry: and Hobbits always keep our word

Pippin: well if Hobbits always keep their word... then... you said... you told me that we could... *grins*

Sam: *walks over to Frodo and wraps his arms around her waist* Yeah you too ^^

Frodo: *smiles at Sam... then smacks him* I meant when we were done with all of this! I swear all males think about is sex...

Sam: As if you dont think about it too!

Frodo: I never said that... I just dont think about it as much... and even if i do... i dont say anything about it out loud.... *blushes*

Sam: I love it when you blush, its just so cute!! *starts to pepper kisses up and down her neck and across her shoulder then back up her neck again*

Frodo: *is now lost in the feeling of Sam's soft lips traveling along her neck and shoulder* Sam...

Pippin and Merry: *AWKWARD TURTLE*

Merry: *clears her throat* Um... guys... *has no effect* Guys *A bit louder but still had no effect*

Pippin: *looks at Merry with puppy-dog eyes* I feel left out...

Merry: No

Pippin: Bu-

Merry: No

Pippin: Me-

Merry: NO... and that is that!

Pippin: Fine mean lady... *pouts*

By now Gollum is irritated... Those stupid Hobbitses were supposed to be finding her a boyfriend and two of them were almost making out. She couldnt stand it anymore.

Gollum: Hellos! Over there!! Hobbitses!! I want my boyfriend!!

Precious: Yes... WE wants our boyfriend!

Merry: *turns to look at Gollum... then looks at her two best friends again... who had now found each other's lips... then looked back at Gollum*... We'll find you your boyfriend... but it will take some time...

Gollum: *huffs*

Pippin: I dont want to spend anymore time with that thing *he said under his breath so that only Merry could hear as he motioned to Gollum*

Merry: Be good... dont be a sassy Brat!

Pippin: FIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNEEEE

Merry: Deal? *looked at Gollum who was staring at Frodo and Sam who were still making out*

Gollum: Fine... deals.

now onto part two!!

The Hobbits descided to just go around to all of the cities, kingdoms, and what-not on the way back home in an attempt to find the perfect one for Gollum

Merry: *Looks at Gollum who is hiding behind a wall and looking through a crack in it at all of the people in Gondor* See anyone who catches your eye?

Gollum: No... they are all ugly here... ick... why do theys have Hairs on thier face? yuck!

Merry: *looks around and sees a few guys that she personally thinks are fairly attractive... but none that are like "TOTAL GOD!"* Yeah? i dont know... lets move on

Merry had left the other 3 back at the camp sleeping. Pippin had been sleeping but had woken up when Merry attempted to leave him asleep. Pippin made it clear to Merry that he didnt like the idea of Merry going off alone with Gollum... but she convinced him by reminding that they will be in the middle of GONDOR... where Aragorn rules over the peoples... then he let her go... still unhappy about it. So now she was here looking for a boyfriend for Gollum... ick.

Gollum: I hates Humans... they are so icky...

Merry: well then what kind of a guy are you looking for? if not man then Hobbit? or Elf?

Gollum: I want a Gollum.

Merry: but... you are the only Gollum.

Gollum: then maybe we loves ourself!!

Merry: well... if you love yourself... then i will buy a mirror... will that pay our debt?

Gollum: What is a mirror?

Merry: well, um... its this piece of stuff... that lets you look at yourself...

Gollum: Like a puddle?

Merry: Kinda... but it is solid... and you can hold it and cary it around.

Gollum: YES YES YES! We would LOVES it!

Merry: *smiles* Then I guess we are done here. ^^

Finally, after what seemed like MONTHS, the Hobbits were finally able to return to The Shire. They laughed and sang and danced on their way, and even Gollum, carrying the mirror Merry had "borrowed" from Aragorn in Gondor, was enjoying herself immensely. They dropped Gollum back off in her cave, and, after demanding hugs from Merry and Frodo, the four Hobbits were on their way home.

Frodo: *looks over the hilltop at The Shire, and, specifically, Bag End*Guys! We're home!

Sam: Finally!!!!

Pippin: Hey, I have an idea, guys!

Merry: It's not stupid, is it?

Pippin: Nope, not this time ^^

Merry: *mumbles*At least he's honest.

Frodo: What's your idea, hun?

Pippin: Let's give The Shire a proper greeting ^^

Merry: *catches his meaning and grins*Those tavern nights do come in handy, then ^^

All four Hobbits: *sing at the top of their lungs* You can search far and wide, you can drink the whole town dry!

Other hobbits soon heard the raucous singing of the four young ones, and all immediately ran outside, knowing that brave Frodo and her companions must have once again saved the Hobbit world.

All Four Hobbits: *still signing at the tops of their lungs* But you'll never find a beer so brown, But you'll NEVER find a beer so brown! As the one we drink in our home town, as the one we drink in our home town!

Merry and Pippin: You can drink your fancy ales! You can drink 'em by the flagon!

Sam and Frodo: But the only brew for the brave and true.....

All Four: Come from the Green Dragon!!!

Suddenly the four young hobbits stopped to face The Shire. Sure, they had wanted to wake people up, but had never thought that the other hobbits would actually come out. Merry blushed and scooted behind Pippin, while Frodo's bright red face became lost in Sam's chest. Gandalf appeared suddenly in front of the crowd of Hobbits, and was CLAPPING.

Gandalf: Very good, very good indeed, young hobbits. We're all very proud of you. Howabout another round of song?

The four hobbits looked at each other uneasily, but it was Sam and Pippin who started up the favorite drinking song again, and soon Frodo and Merry couldn't help but join in. Before anyone knew it, the entire Shire was in an uproar with music, dancing, drinking, and laughing. It was a celebration.

Sam took Frodo aside, out of sight of troublesome Merry and Pippin, and behind one of the brew tents.

Frodo: Sam, what the hell?

Sam: *grins*I've got somethin' for ya, Frodo.

Frodo: What?

Sam: I've got a ring, that won't corrupt you. I want you to be my Hobbit-wife. *slips the beautifully designed ring on her finger*

Frodo: Silly Gamgee, of course I'll wear YOUR ring. *wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him*

Back at the front of things, Merry and Pippin were still leading the crowd in high-energy dance and song. Very typical hobbit actions. Suddenly, however, before everyone's eyes, Pippin "accidentally" fell on Merry and pinned her to the ground.

Merry: Pippin! Silly Took! Get off!

Pippin: No, silly Brandybuck.

Merry: Pleeeease? Drunken fool.

*other hobbits laugh, and just as Sam and Frodo re-enter the scene, Sam grins broadly, as Pippin had often discussed his idea with the other hobbit*

Pippin: Only one way.

Merry: *now irritated*Pip!....Come on...!

Pippin: Promise me one thing, first....*fumbles in his pocket, secretly slipping a ring on her finger, which she barely feels the pressure of on her finger*

Merry: What?

Pippin: Promise me you'll marry me.

Merry: *eyes widen*

Sam: Go, PIP!

Frodo: *cheers beside her new fiancee*

Pippin: Please, Merry?

Merry: *shoves Pippin off of her*Of course, you silly Took.


End file.
